The Wage Mage thinks about Fear

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

            - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from Dune, by Frank Herbert.

Bia Aletheia challenged us to speak about fear. First, let me speak positively about fear. Fear can be a good thing in that it sometimes keeps us from doing stuff that would probably get us removed from the gene pool. That feeling of fear keeps us out of potentially bad situations, warns us of bad things, and helps to keep us on this side of the dirt.

So, let's talk about things the WageMage is afraid of.

Roaches. Why, I have no idea. Especially those huge-ass palmetto bugs. And let's not mention the trauma of the flying roaches. I refuse to be in the same room as a roach. Even if it's dead. It could be half gone, legs up, and I still won't be in the room. This is why the universe made 6 foot long vacuum hoses. I can reach in from the door and suck it up. It's also why I keep around hairspray, even if I don't use it. I can freeze those little suckers from across the room. Yes, in my next life, I will probably be reincarnated as one of the buggers because of it. There's just some deep down thing I have about them. If I see one, I usually take to screaming like a little girl and standing on the furniture. Spiders, okay. Mice, cool. Ants okay. Roaches, like I said earlier, oh dear god, kill it now.

Then there's the more spiritual fear, something that as a Buddhist, I work towards accepting and dealing with every day. I'll start by saying I have panic attacks. When I have a panic attack, I suddenly have the experience of being dropped into nothingness, where I do not exist, and it scares the crap out of me. Yep, the void scares the hell out of me. I'm learning to deal with it, and actually trying to embrace the feeling. Something tells me it's one of those things I need to do to be a better Pagan.

I actually use the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear above as a mantra to get myself out of panic attacks. It works really well. I don't know whether it's the words, or the distraction saying the words causes. It also helps for me to touch someone or to have someone touch me. Usually the addition of some sort of sensory input will drag me back.