The Wage Mage Sees a Shrink...

The Wage Mage owes her awesome sense of neutrality and general good mood to two important factors. The first is a firm grounding in the path of Slacker Buddhism that enables her to slack successfully in the face of trouble. The second is more chemical. The Wage Mage also keeps a steady level of Serotonin and Norephinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor coursing nicely through her veins. This enhances the slack AND it's legal. Double bonus.

So, the Wage Mage saw her personal cleric, and when the Wage Mage's blood pressure was high, she explained to her cleric the ungodly amount of slack she had to expend to manage her family's Jerry Springer episode (involving certain asshats, cops, and a Catholic priest, will post details later.) and asked the cleric for something to help her sleep.

The cleric shook her head. Nay, she said. I think you need to see a prober of brains, a shrink. The Wage Mage was not amused, but agreed as this was the only way she was going to get a sleeping potion.

Reluctantly, she made an appointment with the shrink. In response to her request for an appointment, the shrink sent a 10 page questionnaire. The Wage Mage looked upon it and laughed. For somewhere around page seven, after the pertinent medical and historic questions, there were three questions. First, describe your Mom, second, describe your Dad, and third, describe your family life. It was only funny because the shrink had only assigned one page to this endeavor. The Wage Mage laughed heartily at this and looked at the 500 sheet pad of paper she kept by her desk for THAT would MAYBE be sufficient. Even enumerating the family episode from which even Dr. Phil would run screaming would take that much.

So, she dutifully wrote it out, and on the prescribed day, went to see the shrink. She paid her tithe to the secretary, and sat in the IKEA themed waiting room. She thumbed through massively outdated scrolls, mostly about food preparation and decorating until finally, the shrink called her back.

"So, what brings you here," she asks. The Wage Mage resisted the urge to answer "A green Chevy," but refrained and gave the accepted psychological answer. The shrink and the Wage Mage talked for a while, mostly about her family's mental health history, and mostly about the Wage Mage's coping skills. After this, the shrink gave her an answer she was surprised to hear.

"I don't know why you're here." The Wage Mage was surprised. The shrink mentioned that the Wage Mage was very stable, considering her surroundings. She wrote the Wage Mage her sleeping potion, then advised her that the Wage Mage did need to "get some stuff out" and should go see a talk therapist. Basically, someone to bitch to that did not know her or her family. The Wage Mage mentioned that she could get the same level of satisfaction with a baseball bat and some cops that would look the other way on assault. After some persuasion on the shrink's part, the Wage Mage agreed.

So, we'll see how this goes. I have an open mind about it and am optimistic that maybe this person will give me some different perspective.

I have had offers from friends to let me talk to them, without the hassle of the copay. But here's why I'm going with the therapist.

The therapist does not know me or my past, the therapist has heard nothing about my family. The therapist does not know my husband. I need someone who has a clean slate when it comes to all this and has no past.

It's no offense to anyone, really. I just need to get some stuff out, and this is a neutral confidential person who, when I'm done with her, I will never have to see again and will never know any of my family, and can't tell them anyways.

I still love y'all though....